Memories of illness

As I delve into my research, I am reading through my cancer blog (http://bcbecky.com) from the beginning. It occurred to me that although I wrote the blog, I had never actually read it. One of the things that jumps out at me as I read is how my memories of things don’t necessarily align with how I blogged about them. Since I intentionally blogged a lot of what I was thinking at the time, I have to take that as my “truth” in that moment – so it is interesting to see how my reflection on what happen are different.

One particular area of difference is with timelines. I’m finding (and I’ve only read through the first three months) that my memories of how long things took is off. I’m particular off of timelines within the first few weeks. For example, I thought it took us a few weeks before I went to my first support group meeting – this actually happened June 22. It seems that things that I thought took months, actually took weeks, and some things it was only days.

I’m also struct by early reflections of how my actions and thinking related to one another. I was surprised to learn that my reflection on selfies happened so early on – June 23, 2014 to be precise. I had not even started chemo at that point. I’m not even sure that I had a solid treatment plan yet. So, it is interesting that I was doing so much self-reflection, actually I talk about how breast cancer spurred on deep reflection my second day of blogging.

I also find myself cringing sometimes at my early thoughts, but also at some of the “facts” that I shared, which I have since learned are not necessarily True. They were my “truth” at the time, that is, I believed them to be true when I wrote them.

I am intrigued and will report more as I continue to systematically read through my blog.

Feature image (c) Rebecca J. Hogue

 

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